Well its time to update this sorry blog again! The last few weeks have been peppered with a bit of fun; which has been nice. I went to visit my cousin's baby in the end - he is beautiful - i had a little hold, which was terrifying, as i've never held a baby before! But he is such a pretty babe - i admire my cousin so much looking after 2 kids - i wouldnt know where to start. It was good to see her looking well and to have a good catch up with her.

Ive also been to a friends Birthday gathering, which was great fun; particularly watching people playing the cornflakes box game (i gave it a miss myself, far too physical for me!) But it involves bending down to pick up a cornflakes box with your teeth. It was hilarious, if not a little scary watching the more elderly relatives getting into odd positions trying to pick the box up. Am surprised noone ended up in A&E really. One guy nearly head-butted the television, and my mate's mum randomly fell over into a pot plant and spilt her drink all over her dad, (who was not pleased). It was ideal for me though, because i could just sit on the sofa the whole time and chat to old friends. I suffered for it the next day; spending most of it having to lie down, (even though i did nothing physical), but it was worth it for the fun. Sometimes i think mental stress and thinking can be worse than the physical, or at the very least, just as bad.

One thing that does annoy me, is that whenever i have to talk to anyone who i havent seen in a while/have never met, my heart starts beating really fast and i feel 'keyed up'. I cannot seem to stop this happening; t is totally involuntary, but fits with the theory that CFS sufferers produce an excess of adrenaline the whole time. from experience, i think this thery probably best fits my case. It happens when i am not nervous or panicking, and no doubt, wastes a great deal of energy. This also reinforces the theory that those with CFS are unable to tolerate stress; and i dont mean 'stress' in the true sense of the word, but rather anything that requires thought or the need to be 'on one's toes' slightly. The body just seems to over-compensate.

So today i went to my first appontment with the clinical psychologist. Just to clear up, CFS is not a psychological disorder, but a neurological one - however this doent mean that there arent psychological effects felt as a result of the condition. The appointments are to discuss any fears i might have, general things that might be worrying me and how i am managing pacing my activity and could i do it better? Although i feel physically and mentally drained after today's session (spent much of the day restain again!), i am sure it will be beneficial.